Peace of mind for the freelancer

Since I became a freelancer I hear voices inside my head. Am I getting crazy? Creative voices whisper new product ideas, article topics, even whole businesses. They can get really excited. Critical voices tell me to write crisper, talk clearer, be perfect! There are friendly voices (“Isn’t life much more exciting than a year ago?”) and worrying ones (Are you going in the right direction? Do you have enough clients? Do you really have time to relax?).

Doctor, is this serious?

On the way from New York to Berlin I planned to fall asleep right after dinner. My neighbor and I started chatting: we were both struggling with tiredness and didn’t want to stay hungry. The question “what do you do?” led to a conversation about my business: he asked more and more and I really got into it. We continued talking about other topics for a while but my voices continued the business party on their own. When dinner came and it was time to sleep I just couldn’t: it was like having a radio in my head. Not so surprising in principle, but I hadn’t sleep for more than 24 hours. Before dinner I was struggling really hard to stay awake and now I couldn’t sleep!? In that moment I understood three things: how loud “the voices” can get, that they can make themselves independent and how important it is to control them if I am to continue with my present life.

Freelancers out there! Do you have such problems too? Let me guess…

So, is there an antidote, a cure? Fortunately, the answer is yes: being present. Eckart Tolle (*) explains how doing something that requires your attention, being present, makes you stop thinking. Try to brush your teeth with the left hand. Challenge your coordination or do something scary: do you think while bungee-jumping? I bet you are completely focused, aren’t you? Listen to the sounds around you: here and now. Are you thinking? When you turn left at a big crossroads and need to concentrate: are you thinking? Isn’t this is a wonderfully simple approach to meditation? To not thinking?

It is an effective way to send those voices on vacation: when I cannot sleep I calm my head down by listening carefully to the sounds of the night. A car comes by, the neighbors walk, the fridge… I wonder if all those sounds were there before and how come I didn’t hear them. If I drift away I just start listening again: there is always a now to explore. I feel the sheets on my skin, I feel the air through my nostrils. Is it warm? Is it cold? I concentrate on my feet and try to make them warm. A pleasant game. I try to see in the dark, the shadows, some light. I explore the now through all senses, one by one, and eventually fall asleep.

(*) The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment

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